A lot of women feel a lack of stability in their 50s.

You thought you had it, then menopause happens and everything changes. Cycles and rhythms shift. Pieces of your life are thrown up in the air and you can feel vulnerable. Children, if you have them, are growing up and leaving. Parents are needing more care, and some are passing away. Key relationships are evolving. Work can be problematic, low in systemic support, missing vital inspiration or a rich ancestry of role models guiding the way. Without due care, your place in the world can lose its sense of definition, low (or high) level panic can set in, and old unhelpful habits can resurface.

A coaching client I saw online this week was feeling her own unique blend of these tricky dynamics. The biggie for her was the resurfacing of an old (and unhelpful in the context) habit of saying yes indiscriminately to almost every request for her time and energy.

During our conversation, in a brilliant moment of self-coaching, she declared:

☀️ The only way I’m going to get through this [intensely busy period] is to create time to reflect, so that I can realise what I’m actually doing. ☀️

With that realisation, this incredibly gifted leader understood that the instability she could feel was arising through simple physics: she was carrying too much ‘weight’ (of tasks) on insufficient surface area (one body). Or put another way, juggling too many balls with too few hands. A powerful first step was simply noticing and acknowledging what was happening.

We talked some more, and together designed a straightforward daily reflective practice of three questions that would take no more than 10 minutes:

🎯 What did I say yes to today that in all honesty didn’t require my yes?
🎯 In saying yes to this thing, what have I said no to? [huge revelations are available here…e.g. no to myself, that swim I so desperately need, time with loved ones etc]
🎯 What might arise tomorrow that could press my automatic yes button?

Short, regular and impactful reflective practice, done compassionately and as a basis for purposeful choice and action, is a key part of “THE STABILITY EFFECT”, my approach (and book of the same name) to navigating intense inner and outer change that sets you (and others) up for flourishing.

Reflect on yourself for a moment. What tends to happen to you in periods of rapid or difficult change? What primary pattern of thinking or behaviour do you slip into that traps you and digs you into a hole? It might be similar or different to the automatic yes habit.

If you’re caught right now in an old unhelpful habit, and want a simple tool to create movement, email me confidentially at amanda@centrefornewleadership.com with a summary of your situation. I’ll offer you one question by return that you can reflect on immediately (and on an ongoing basis) as the launch pad for empowering new choices and actions.



Hello, I’m Amanda Muckalt, and I help midlife women in leadership confidently navigate the unknown without the downward spiral of self-doubt, poor decision-making, and burnout. Instead of becoming exhausted, ungrounded and anxious in change, you can become more resourceful, receptive and fully you.

If you want coaching support in your leadership, I offer YOUR LEADERSHIP POWER HOUR and YOUR SIX SESSION LEADERSHIP ADVENTURE. Details are HERE. Email me at amanda@centrefornewleadership.com and we can arrange a consultation call.

If your organisation wants help to create environments where leaders can thrive, email me at amanda@centrefornewleadership.com and we can arrange a conversation.

Image by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash